Dream of Silent Secrets
by Interstice of Time
Summary: Allen's emotional roller coasters and the unveiling of his past and...family. AllenxTyki & one-sided AllenxRouvelier Rating may be changed to M.
1. 1st Night

Hi! My first story so please be gentle with me. Updates will be pretty slow until my exams end so please be patient. Not much description because I don't have time to add those. Hope you'll enjoy the story and happy reading! Please review too! Only the first chapter is adapted from chapters 165-167.

Disclamer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura. It does not belong to me. This story is just a work of fiction inspired by my wild imagination. All ideas are original and cannot be copied.

* * *

**Chapter 1: 1st Night-Unveiling Truth**

"Well done, Inspector Howard."

That voice sounds familiar…

"You did well on your mission as well, Allen Walker-kun."

I recognized that sinister voice that sent chills down my back. I gulped and whipped round to see… Inspector Rouvelier.

"I have arrived… I look forward to having you under my command."

Something about his voice told me something bad was going to happen. Before I could even say a word, two hooded men in black cloaks with masks covering their faces stepped forward and grabbed me. They restrained my arm will a spell and led me through the corridor behind Inspector Rouvelier and Inspector Howard. I knew Johnny would be worried so I turned my head and gave Johnny a reassuring smile.

* * *

"Your body will be a bit heavy, but it won't harm you. It's just a technique meant to restrain your left arm."

I growled. A little heavy? Scratch that. VERY HEAVY. Damn that Rouvelier. It had taken all my strength to change and I was out of breath now.

"If you wanted me to change clothes, you could have put this on me afterwards…" I grumbled.

I frowned. We're allies and yet they're going this far… No, that's no it. They question whether I'm an ally or not. But to have come this far, as expected… Thought this mission was to officially set up the gates… It seems this is their true objective…to question me… What should I do?

* * *

"Inspector, there will be no threat to his life correct?" Komui asked.

Komui was worried about Allen's safety and what Rouvelier was thinking. The presence of the CROW made him anxious and he was having trouble maintaining his calm.

"Of course not, Chief. As long as he's a good child, nothing will happen."

Rouvelier took a sip of his tea and turned to Komui and a sinister smile lurked on his face. Komui saw his look and felt a mixture of anger and terror. Allen's situation was looking quite bleak.

* * *

I was led through a few corridors before I stopped at a room with double doors.

"General Cross Marian is beyond this door."

Master? What was he doing here? Was he here to-

"Enter."

The double doors swung open and I entered the room hesitantly with slow steps. I looked up and saw Master looking out a window, smoking. Timcanpy flew towards Master and landed on his shoulder. The four guards stood around the corners of the room and formed a barrier around us. Why were they keeping a watch on us? I felt uneasy and a growing sense of dread.

I knew this had something thing to do with me, Mana and the Fourteenth…

"Mana… He had something to do with the Fourteenth didn't he?" I asked.

"Yeah. The Fourteenth had a blood relative. A older brother. The one and only person who was by his side up till he betrayed the Noahs, until the very moment he was killed by the Millennium Earl."

Master paused for a while, before continuing.

"That brother was… Mana Walker."

"Brothers? Mana and the Fourteenth.?"

I thought about how little I knew about Mana. His life was seemed like a mystery now. I pondered about how I first met Mana.

* * *

It was cold winter day. However, I was dressed in thin, scruffy clothes. I was working at a circus and doing little chores there. I saw a clown, peering at a dog in a grave. I walked towards him and eyed the dog. It was covered with bruises. It was probably dead by now.

"Is it dead?" I asked.

"Yes, he died."

"There's bruises all over him."

I thought what might have caused the bruises. Then I remembered that Bastard Cosmo looking at the new clown jealously during the previous performance.

"I'll bet it was that Bastard Cosmo, for freaking sure. It's just because the audience liked you better. Whenever someone with more talent than him comes around, he always bullies them. His performance is shit but he's great at stuff like this."I continued.

"He was a very old dog. He probably wouldn't have lived much longer anyway. It's all right."

"Hmph. You're saying you don't wanna get back at him at all?"

This clown was stupid. Was he even angry? Or upset?

"If I did something like that, the boss would run me off and I would have to work for free," he anwered.

"Tch."

What a stupid reason. So it all boiled down to money, huh? I guess money really makes the world go round… This guy pissed me off.

"I'm just an outsider, after all. Once Christmas is over tomorrow, I'll be heading off somewhere else," the clown continued.

"So what?"

This guy wasn't even making sense to me.

"Hmm… By the way, young man… Who were you again?"

"I do odd jobs around here. I brought you food too, didn't I?"

"I'm not good at remembering faces…"

"Hmm? If I look closely, it seems you are covered in bruises too!"

The clown leaned forward and licked my face.

"THAT'S NASTY! Don't get your spit on me, DAMMIT!" I yelled.

This clown was weird.

"I'm cleaning you up. Did cosmo hit you?" the clown asked.

"Shut up."

"Do you have any friends?" the clown continued.

"SHUT UP!"

I couldn't take this wacko anymore. His last sentence sparked off anger within me. I felt my face burning up. Damn. Did he have to bring that up?

"Who cares about this place anyway… Once I'm grown up and strong, I'll get out of here, so I don't need any damn friends."

I clenched my teeth in anger and gripped my knees tightly. Suddenly, the clown's face was in front of me. The clown pulled his face up with his hands and his lips puckered.

"The hell are you doing…"

"Was it funny?" the clown asked.

"Sorry, but I don't like clowns and stuff like that. Actually, I pretty much hate them."

I had too much hate for the world to laugh and smile.

"Really? Well, I don't like an audience or kids who won't smile either."

"Hmph. Hey… Why aren't you crying? You lived everyday with this dog, didn't you? Are you not even sad?

"I'm so sad I could die," the clown answered. I turned around to see the clown hanging, a rope around his head.

"STOP THAT!!"

What was with this guy? Only one word could sum him up. Freaky.

"Actually I can't cry. Maybe my tears have all dried up… They just won't come, no matter what."

The clown undid the ropes while he talked. I stared at the clown. He was really stupid.

"The hell? That's stupid."

"This guy… What's his name? I pet him yesterday and he licked me. His tongue was warm. So I thought, today, I'd…"

Tears streamed down my face and my nose got runny. Why was I crying over this dog? I hardly even knew it.

"Why?... That's all it was, so why am I crying…?" I wailed.

"Oh… I see…" "You were allen's friend weren't you…" thought the clown.

* * *

"Master, you knew the whole time didn't you?" I asked.

"I knew all along. When the Fourteenth died, I promised him I'd watch over Mana. If I did that, some day you'd return to Mana's side. That… was what you promised me Allen."

What was Master trying to say? His word didn't make sense. It wasn't long before he delivered the heart-rending blow.

"Or should I say, FOURTEENTH?"

My eyes widened in shock and horror. Me, the Fourteenth? How could that be? Was this all some kind of big joke?

"It's probably not really awake yet, but surely you've started to feel the fourteenth's presence, haven't you allen?"

"What!? What are you…"

"Don't bother playing dumb. You knew the song of the player. That's his memory."

"You're the human implanted with the Fourteenth's memories… The host for his revival into the mortal world."

Master turned around and faced me. His words stunned me.

"It's all the memory of the Fourteenth. You knew the player's song and you played it, even though you had never played a piano before. Those things aren't "you". It was all the memory of the Fourteenth. When you were in the room, you saw something didn't you?"

I could even utter a word. The revelation of the truth rendered me speechless. Was my life until now just a big lie? I didn't even know what was real or fake now.

"Hey."

Apparently Master had probably lost his patience and he slapped my face. Ow… Master never had much patience… My left cheek throbbed and I cursed inwardly.

"Ow…"

"Don't just stand around that, we still got talking to do!"

Master's intense stare burned a hole into my back. His anger subsided quickly but now I felt… upset.

"When you… I…implanted… When did he…"

"Huh? Ah Sorry, no clue about that."

"WHAT!?"

"Wait! I can probably guess! Probablyyyyy… sometime before the guy died."

"You don't know at all? Do you!?"

"The hell do you want!? I said I was sorry. Just forget that part!"

I grumbled. Master really is an idiot.

"Anyway… I didn't know where to begin either. Until you showed up, that is. It was a hellish state of affairs for him, after he tried to kill the Earl. Him and Mana, living like fugitives, constantly in danger from the Noah clan."

Master paused and took a puff of his cigarette before he continued.

"I don't think the Fourteenth had the luxury of worrying about 'when' or 'who'. When there was a chance, he took it, and just picked a host from the people who happened to be around. Thinking of nothing but using you to kill the Earl."

The Fourteenth was using me… That thought just angered me.

"So he actually picked me?"

"Some bad luck for you isn't it."

Master looked at me and gave me a smile. Master actually smiled at me! But his smile looked a bit sad… Master's face turned serious though.

"The implanted memory will erode the host away at the host little by little… And eventually turn you into the Fourteenth."

I would lose my memories and turn into a noah? That fact scared me. What would I do when I became a noah? I won't even be able to control myself…

"You've already seen the signs, haven't you?"

The signs. So that's what the shadows were… I could feel the shadow behind me, grining evily.

"So, that's… that's why… That's not fair…"

Why did it have to be me? Was my life gonna be full of curses? My innocence, my eye, the Destroyer of Time, and now a noah? Life was so unfair. Fate was probably laughing at me and making fun of me right now…

Then it struck me. Mana, who did he treat me as? Did he only love me for who I was or because I was his brother?

"When Mana said "I love you…" was he telling… me or… Which was it…?"

I could see Master was shocked at what I had said.

"The day that the Fourteenth had died, Mana kind of lost his mind. I don't know whether he remembered his past or not. But the way it looked to me, from the outside… Kinda ironic, isn't it."

Master pulled me to his chest and hugged me. I was feeling upset now and was thankful to Master for hugging just this once. I had wanted to be hugged by someone. The feeling when someone hugs you… I had never really gotten that feeling. Being abandoned by my parents whom I don't know… No one had hugged me in a motherly or fatherly way. I had never gotten the care my parents should have given me. I desperately wanted to have a family. One where I would belong. One which genuinely cared for me. Mana did hug me when I was young but I wasn't even sure if his hugs were for me or for…

"I'd never expected it to be a kid like this…" Cross thought.

"Should've picked some poor bastard nobody would have missed for his host… Not too kind of him was it." Cross spoke outloud.

"In the end, I guess it's the same story, huh? To protect one thing, something else had to sacrificed." Cross thought.

Master knew how much I hated him smoking and just this once he actually didn't smoke. He gave Timcanpy his cigarette and Timcanpy ate it. It felt nice to have someone hugging me. The touch that that I had longed for, for as long as I could remember. The touch I never got.

"Can't laugh at Tiedoll anymore…Geez…"

Master actually cared for me? He had never shown any care blatantly all this years…

"If I told you that when you turn into the Fourteenth, you'll have to kill the people who are important to you… Then… what would you do…?"

I would kill people important to me? My friends would die… at my hands?

* * *

It was still raining heavily and I saw Lenalee and Johnny sleeping on a sofa. They had probably tried to wait for me to return. The weather was cold and they were sleeping out here… They would get a cold at this rate… I took a blanket and used it to cover them. This would keep them warm…

"Allen!?"

Lenalee had woken up and was surprised to see me.

"Ah!" Lenalee was going to wake up Johnny at this rate.

"Oh geez, we fell asleep!" Lenalee thought.

"Where's my brother and everyone?" Lenalee asked.

"They're still talking about something inside… Lenalee, if you keep moving around like that, you'll wake up Johnny."

Lenalee calmed down and stopped moving.

"Your face is kind of swollen…"

"Ah… Master hit me."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Lenalee didn't have to know what was going to happen. I would keep everything a secret… I wouldn't worry anyone… No one had to know anything…

"Huh? Something's… different…" Lenalee thought.

"It was nothing really." I said.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed my story! There'll be more action in the coming chapters. This is just the ending of the beginning! Updates will be pretty slow until around October. Thank you for reading!**  
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	2. 2nd Night

Sorry for the late update! I was struggling to find time to type this chapter out because I was having prelims and a few other main exams. I would like to thankful everyone who has read my story and those who also wrote reviews. Those really encouraged me considering that this is my first story. I would also like to thank Book-Tastic Anime, my friend and beta reader! She also helped with my ideas and endured my nonsensical ranting. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy the story! Please read and review!

Disclamer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura. It does not belong to me. This story is just a work of fiction inspired by my wild imagination. All ideas are original and cannot be copied.

**Please note:**

Just to let you know, Lavi **WAS NOT **in the last chapter's scene. Therefore, he does not know Allen is the Fourteenth.

* * *

**Chapter 2 : ****2nd Night-Disconsolate Future**

The sunlight streamed through the big windows of my new room. I tossed around behind the silk covers of the four poster bed when I caught sight of the clock. Seven-thirty in the morning. I felt like something important was going to happen today. The events of last night's encounter with my Master and Inspector Rouvelier flashed through my mind.

* * *

"_If I told you that when you turn into the Fourteenth, you'll have to kill the people who are important to you… Then… what would you do…?"_

_I would kill people important to me? My friends would die… at my hands? _

"_W..wh..what do you mean?"_

"_I won't say this a second time so you better remember this. When you turn into the Fourteenth, you'll have to kill the people who are important to you…"_

_The stunning truth sent me into despair. Why? Why did it have to happen to me? Why couldn't the Fourteenth have chosen someone else? I didn't want to hurt anyone…_

"_Master, I'm scared… I don't want to kill anyone! I don't want to be the Fourteenth! Why did this have to happen to me?!"_

_Tears flowed down my cheeks and my master pulled me closer to him and hugged me tighter._

"_Shh… You'll know everything when the time is ripe."_

_It felt good to have someone hugging me. How it felt to be loved…I didn't want Master to let go… I didn't want Master to let go. I was scared he would disappear like Mana and everyone else who __had __supposedly loved me. All I want__ed wa__s to be loved. That was all I __had __ever asked for. To be loved. Was it too much? They said they loved me… But they all hated me. They only used me and abandoned me… They all lied to me… No one had ever loved me… Love was something I never had… Love was impossible for someone like me… I never experienced the love I yearned for…_

"_Allen, one day, everything will be revealed to you. There will be many struggles and you will feel like giving up. It will not be easy but until then, you have to be strong and go on. Don't give up. It will be long too and you will grow tired of waiting but be patient and wait." _

_Master slowly broke our hug and started for the door. _

"_You had better hang in there, Idiot Apprentice!"_

_Master gave me a big grin before walking out the door. That was the last I ever saw of Master…_

* * *

_Moments later, the door clicked open to reveal Inspector__ Rouvelier.__ He walked forward in my direction and looked at me for a while, debating on something._

"_Sit," he ordered and motioned to the sofa beside him._

_I walked slowly and cautiously, and gingerly sat down._

_Inspector __Rouvelier__ walked towards the sofa and s__a__t opposite me. Immediately, a guard stepped forward and placed two cups of coffee onto the table. Inspector Rouvelier motioned for me to drink the coffee. It was bitter, without a hint of sweetness, just like this conversation. Inspector __Rouvelier__ took a sip of the coffee before he cleared his throat to speak._

"_As, I have said before, I look forward to having you under my command."_ _I knew this was going somewhere bad…_

"_You will become our ultimate weapon to win this war. With your innocence and the power of the Fourteenth, we will definitely win this war."_

_I was enraged. I didn't want to be used… especially in a war. I didn't want to fight for the Vatican and the Pope. But… which side did I want to be on? What __was __I__ to__ fight for now?_

_"__What… what if I refuse to?"_

_I could see Inspector Rouvelier quickly turning purple…_

"_YOU CANNOT REFUSE THIS! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!"_

"…"

"_Besides, you __would__n't want __any __innocent people to get hurt, WOULD you?"_

_My eyes widened in horror and disgust. How could he involve the innocent into this?_

"_You're nothing but a weapon of mass destruction! That's all you are and all you ever will be!"_

_A weapon of mass destruction? Some how, there was some truth in his word's… All I do is kill, kill__ and __kill. Maybe that's all I am__:__a__ weapon of destruction…_

"_Do you think people actually love you?"_

_I…don't think anyone loves me… But I was just trying to fool myself this whole time… No one would ever love me…_

"_All your friends are all pretending to care. But in reality, they're all afraid of you and only use you. Even your parents abandoned you! Your father who adopted you eventually left you!"_

_Everyone who said they loved me eventually abandoned me… Even my parent's abandoned me. Even Mana __had __lied to me…Everyone told me they loved me but they all abandoned me. To be told that I was loved… That makes me really happy… But when I knew that they all lied to me… It was so painful and tiring to be lied to. I detested this vicious cycle. It always deceived me… and left me with scars._

"_No one loves you! You don't belong anywhere! Everyone thinks you're a freak with your innocence and your Noah powers! This is the only option left!"_

_SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I know what people think of me! Everyone thinks I'm a freak! I know I don't belong anywhere! I'm just a weapon of destruction! People only want to use me for their own purposes! I have feelings too you know! Doesn't anyone give a damn about me?! I just want to be loved! Is that too much to ask for?_

"_Everyone thinks this way. Except…me. I'm different from others, Allen."_

_Inspector Rouvelier got up, walked towards me and pushed me down. He pushed his lips roughly over mine. What was he doing?! I tried to get away but he held me down with his strong arms to prevent any struggling. His lips were hard and cold. It certainly suited his character… Finally, he stopped, but he was still holding me down._

"_I love you, Allen. I'm the only one who loves you. I accept and love you for who you are. I would never lie to you or abandon you. I'm the only one you need."_

_Inspector Rouvelier's feelings for me came as a shock. He loved me!? Did he really accept me for who I am? But how could I be sure, __would he__ lie to me and abandon me? Was he really the only person I would need? But how do I know he wasn't lying just like everyone else…?_

"_Do you promise you're saying truth? That you really love me and accept me for who I am? That you won't lie to me or abandon me? Can really I trust you?"_

"_I promise. You can trust me. I'm the only one you need."_

* * *

I looked around the room. Link was no where in sight. Strange,wasn't Link supposed to guard me around the clock? I brushed it off aside and entered the bathroom to take a shower.

I stepped out of the cubicle and a warm mist greeted me. I grabbed my towel and dried myself. I wore the bath robe and stepped out of the bathroom to see…Inspector Rouvelier.

"Hello, Allen."

Shock filled my face. What was Inspector Rouvelier doing here? I looked around for Link but I didn't see him. Inspector Rouvelier had a set of clothes in his hands. What were those for?

"Take off your bath robe."

What?! What was Inspector Rouvelier thinking? My face turned beet-root and hesitated.

"You don't have anything I haven't seen before, so hurry up and take off you bath robe."

I blushed even further at his last statement. I was uncomfortable with taking off my bathrobe. I looked down at the floor, embarrassed. Before I knew it, Inspector Rouvelier was taking the bath robe off himself. He undid the knot of the bath robe roughly and gently lifted the robe off me. I cringed at his touch.

Inspector Rouvelier slipped on a shirt over my head. He took a neck-tie and slipped under my collar. He tied the ribbon swiftly. He handed me my undergarments and I turned away to wear it. He then bent down and slipped a pair of pants over my legs. He took a coat which looked like a General's coat, slipped it over my arms, and buttoned it. I looked down, abashed at the fact that he had just dressed me up.

In a spilt second Inspector Rouvelier was bending down and kissing me gently on my lips. He broke away after a minute and smiled at me.

Did Inspector Rouvelier just smile at me? The only smiled I had seen before where mostly sly and cunning. But this one was a genuine smile. Warm, soft and caring.

"Today, we will have the ceremony for your new rank as General. There will be more responsibilities but I will guide you through the difficulties. Don't worry about and anything, smile and be yourself. The ceremony will start in an hour's time. I will meet you again 15 minutes before the ceremony starts."

Inspector Rouvelier kissed me quickly before leaving the room. My cheeks turned a deep shade of pink. Inspector Rouvelier had already kissed me three times.

* * *

I heard a knock at the door and quickly composed myself. It turned out to be Link who then briefed me about the ceremony.

After the briefing I went out of the room and decided to relax at the balcony. I sat down on a chair and Link brought a cup of coffee for me. I stirred the cup of coffee aimlessly as I remembered what had happened after yesterday's encounter Inspector Rouvelier.

* * *

_A group of guards led me to another room which was bigger that the one before. As I entered the room, I heard the door being locked. I looked around the room. It had many big rooms furnished with extravagant and ornate furniture. Everything I would need was there in my reach. The room was more like a suite but the only difference was, I was locked in, watched and guarded. This made me uneasy… Was I __not __allowed some privacy? _

_In the midst of my pondering, the door opened and I half expected Inspector Rouvelier to walk in. To my relief, it was Link. He explained that this would be my new room and that a group of guards, and himself included, would follow __me__ everywhere, by the order of Inspector Rouvelier. Just what was Inspector Rouvelier thinking?_

* * *

As I gazed at blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds above, a pair of arms snaking around me snapped me from my reverie. I snapped my head and came face to face with Inspector Rouvelier.

"Inspector Rouvelier! I-"

"We're lovers, Allen. Just call me Rouvelier."

"I…Okay, Inspec-, Rouvelier."

"Good."

Rouvelier smiled at me, tilted my chin and kissed me on my lips. He broke it after a few minutes. It was the longest kiss so far and I blushed.

"Come, Allen. The ceremony will be starting soon so we'll have to go prepare for it."

Rouvelier took my hand and walked out of the room, with Link following behind. Everyone cleared the way for him to walk and bowed at his presence. I could see Rouvelier had a large influence on others.

* * *

We arrived at the backstage of a big hall. I could hear the mumbling from behind the walls. The noise made me nervous and tense. I spotted Komui nearby. He smiled at me uneasily and I smiled back to reassure him before I was whisked away by Rouvelier to another corner.

Rouvelier gave me some instructions and told me to relax and smile naturally to prevent as much uneasiness as possible.

Rouvelier moved to the front stage to make the announcement while I waited behind the curtains.

"I'm sure all of you are wondering why you were gathered here. A new general has appeared in out midst and today we will hold the inauguration for the new general."

Immediately, whispers and murmurings broke out through out the hall as everyone wondered who the new general was. This just made me more uneasy but Rouvelier glanced at me and gave a reassuring look.

He motioned for me to come onto the stage and I did so, hesitantly and stopped beside him. I could everyone's stares burning a hole through me.

"This is our new general, Allen Walker! We thank God for giving us a new hope to win this battle!"

I put on the best smile I could manage. I spotted Lavi, Miranda and Lenalee who had mortified expressions on their face. Even Kanda's eyes widened slightly. Members of the Science Department were also shocked. I felt anger build up in me as I remembered how they all lied to me and abandoned me.

After reciting some pledges, the ceremony ended and the crowd dispersed. Rouvelier and Link followed me to my room.

Once the doors closed, Rouvelier kissed me again. His ran his fingers through my hair while his other hand was wrapped around my waist. He broke the kiss after a few minutes but continued hugging me. After some time, he released his hold on me and smiled at me gently.

"You did well, Allen."

* * *

Okay, don't kill me for this extremely weird chapter. Rouvelier is VERY OOC here and certain things he did to Allen made me squirm! Especially the scene where he dressed Allen. (Even more so that I'm a girl…) Rouvelier's actions are also quite interesting and complex to comprehend. This pairing is so strange and I just had to write it! Something interesting for myself to look forward to. Hope this applies to you too! I won't be able to get the next chapter up until somewhere in October because I have to stay away from the computer for a month to study for my exams. Sorry for the long wait!

Also, what side do you want to win? I would actually prefer the evil side. –cackles evily- I always like the main character to end up with the bad side. Haha! I would like to hear your opinions on this.

What pairing do you want in this story? Any suggestions? I'm actually planning to write AllenXTyki ! What do you think? Please do not suggest stuff like : "I want a AllenXLenalee pairing! XD" Sorry for saying this, but I absolutely detest Lenalee, the worst character ever in D.Gray-Man. Please do not flame me for this…

Beta-er: O.O Oh my, it's so… lime? Ewwww… But it's my 'job', I can't complain… TT Yay! I hate Lenalee too! **  
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	3. 3rd Night

Sorry for the late update! My exams have finally finished so I may update faster... On a side note, I've changed the title of the story from "14 Noah" to "Dream of Silent Secrets". I may also change the story rating to "M" for the future chapters. Thank you for the past reviews!

Disclaimer: -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura. It does not belong to me. This story is just a work of fiction inspired by my wild imagination. All ideas are original and cannot be copied.

* * *

**Chapter 3: 3****rd**** Night – ****Wavering Feelings**

"Allen."

"It's morning."

"Allen, wake up."

I rolled over my side and rubbed my eyes.

"Five more minutes…" I asked.

The curtains were drawn and the sunlight streamed into the room beating down relentlessly on me, blinding me.

I decided to give in and I strained myself to sit up but I still had a splitting headache. I was cold and reluctantly pulled the covers off me. I groaned in pain as I tried to get out from bed, the room swarming around me.

Rouvelier caught sight of this and rushed forward. He felt my forehead and shook his head.

"You're still having a high temperature. Are you feeling better? I think you should rest for today too."

"Ah…okay."

Rouvelier smiled and planted a kiss on my forehead before going out of the room.

I reached into my side drawer and pulled out a face mirror. I examined my red pentacle scar. It was a lighter shade of red than it was a few weeks before. I felt a growing sense of dread. Why was my red pentacle scar fading? This had never happened the past few years. No one had seemed to notice this yet so I didn't mention it. Perhaps I was just imagining things because of Master's death.

_**

* * *

**Rouvelier had gotten me some material to read. He said I needed to know more about the Fourteenth as part of my work. I agreed reluctantly as any mention of the Fourteenth gave me a sense of uneasiness… and sadness._ _Rouvelier had offered to keep me company and I gratefully accepted, wanting the company and comfort of someone. I was still a bit touchy when it came to my old 'friends'._ _I scanned through the papers on the desk and I tried to understand the text. The text was about the Fourteenth and as I read on, I was finding it harder to comprehend the reason for the Fourteenth's actions…_

* * *

**The Fourteenth Noah**

**The Fourteenth Noah was once an ally to the Millennium Earl and who fought along side his fellow Noahs. The Fourteenth was one of the most powerful Noahs who had the ability of 'Noah's Will'. **

**'Noah's Will' also known as 'Musician's Will' enabled the Fourteenth full control of the ark. The Fourteenth was one of the only three people able to control the ark. The Fourteenth could also control anything he wanted with his ability. It is known that the Fourteenth uses music when using his ability but it is unknown if the Fourteenth requires the use of music all the time. **

**The Fourteenth, along with being one of the most powerful Noahs, was also a faithful servant of the Millennium Earl. However, the Fourteenth mysteriously disappeared one day along with his brother. **

**Apparently, the Fourteenth had betrayed the Millennium Earl for reasons unknown and was said to have given up his will to someone else. As the rumours go, the Fourteenth had also attempted to kill the Millennium Earl before he disappeared but had failed to do so. **

**Not long after the Fourteenth's disappearance, the Fourteenth was hunted down by the Millennium Earl and killed. It has been said that the Fourteenth had given his will to a person and will be reincarnated in the person. The Fourteenth will take over the person's body when the person is emotionally unstable and unable to fight back. **

**No further information of the Fourteenth has been discovered till today and the mystery to his betrayal still remains…

* * *

**

"_Knock."_

"_Knock. Knoc__k."_

"_Knock. Knock. Knock__."_

"_KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK."_

_Rouvelier who had been beside me all this while, got up and flung the door open. I watched as he opened the door and spoke to an officer in hushed tones and strained my ears to catch some bits of the conversation._

"_What do you want?!"_

"_Please forgive me Inspector Rouvelier! General Marian Cross, he--"_

"_WHAT! When did he-"_

"_He was already- when we went to check on him. There was- the room!"_

"_Why was there- in the room?"_

"_I think he may have- Even his- was left behind!"_

"_Why would he leave his- behind?"_

"_I don't know, Inspector Rouvelier. There were also signs of-"_

"_You incompetent fools! What were you doing? I asked you to do a simple task of- and now you tell me he just-!"_

"_I apologise for my incompetence, Inspector Rouvelier! Please forgive me!"_

"_I don't want to see any more mistakes, you hear?! I'll take a look at his room and confirm if he- However, make sure nothing goes wrong!"_

"_YES SIR! I shall take my leave now." _

_I watched as the officer closed the door meekly and Rouvelier walked back, looking disturbed. I felt a little curious and decided to ask him about the conversation._

"_Did something happen to Master?"_

_I bet he must have escaped again… I wouldn't put it past him… After all, Master is always so irresponsible, hankering after woman and living a lavish lifestyle…_

"_No… nothing much."_

_Rouvelier's short and vague answer got me a bit suspicious but I decided to forget about the conversation. Master was probably up to his old tricks. And just when I thought he might have changed a bit… _

_

* * *

I was supposed to meet Rouvelier soon, but where the heck was he? Of course, Link was following closely behind, remaining as silent as ever. I wandered around the black order, staying at a distance away from the common areas such as the cafeteria and the science team. After all, I didn't want to mingle around with people posing as fake friends._

_Suddenly, Timcanpy flew around the corner and down a long corridor before I could stop him._

"_Not again..?"_

_I walked down the corridor and searched the stretch of rooms. After a few minutes of searching for Timcanpy, I decided to try Master's room..._

"_He's probably in here again. He always goes to Master's room…"_

_As I turned the knob of the door and entered the room, I came face to face with Rouvelier._ _He was sitting down on a chair and drinking a cup of tea, engrossed in something in front of him._

"_Rouvelier? Where were you? I was looking for you everywhere! What are you doing in a place like this?"_

_As I stepped forward to see what he was so engrossed in, a bloody scene greeted me._

_The window was smashed and blood was smeared over the window ledge and carpet. Master's Judgment lay on the floor and I spotted Master's mask in a corner, on the window ledge. Timcanpy was hovering above the blood as if the blood was of great significance to him. _

_Taking in all these details, as if the pieces of a puzzle had fitted themselves into place, I suddenly understood that something had happened to Master. And I knew it wasn't anything like his many countless escape attempts. However, I just had to make sure of just one more thing before I could affirm my suspicions._

"_The…blood…is it… … M…Master's?"my voice quivered as I tried to prepare myself mentally for the bad news._

"_Allen, I…don't want to say this but…the blood…it's Cross'."_

_

* * *

Just like that, I broke down crying. I didn't know why. Unknowingly, I was upset that Master was dead and in such a horrible way. I definitely didn't expect myself to react this way… After all, I had always wanted Master out of my life all these years! Master had always irked me with his endless debts and womanizing ways... But my last encounter with Master… it was then that I realised that… Master actually cared for me…_

_It had come to me as a shock then. In all my years with him, he had been an unfeeling jerk. So why was Master suddenly so caring? It was as if Master actually loved me! Love I had longed for and never got. At that moment, I had a feeling of warmth and love in my heart and I had forgotten every care I had in the world. It was comforting and something I was new to. A sudden feeling of happiness flooded me but I was afraid._

_Afraid that I would never experience this feeling once more… Afraid that someone would rob me of this moment… Afraid this was nothing but a dream and that fate was making fun of me… Afraid that I would get betrayed again…_

_But as Master pulled me closer to him and hugged me tighter, he gave me a sense of assurance. It was then I knew Master would protect me and I didn't need to worry…_

_As I thought more over the matter, Master was actually knew me very well. In fact, he was the closest person to me, even more than Mana had ever been. He knew and understood my feelings. He saw through my flawless façade in front of others which I had carefully crafted and maintained all these years. _

_Master was the only person who I had let down my guard with and dropped my façade. Master had always told me to be who I was and never follow in someone's footsteps. To carve a path of my own. Bit by bit, I eventually grew to trust Master and I knew he would never betray me. He was different from Mana whom I never had complete trust in. Mana was pretty much a stranger to me. I never knew if he might abandon me one day and I never knew his feelings about me… But for Master, it was different…_

_Master was the only one who didn't despise my deformed arm, my scar and my hair. And he showed it clearly. I was treated as a normal person by Master and I was grateful for that. I didn't want people to hate me nor pity me. All I wanted was to be normal like everyone else and to be treated normally… Master certainly gave me that and never treated me differently from others. _

_But Master was gone. I would never see him again. However, I remembered Master words. I knew I had to move on but it was difficult. At that moment I wanted to be comforted. It was painful when someone died, especially someone close to me. I had never liked death and could never understand why people died. Was fate just playing with our lives again? Or was it god? _

_

* * *

Rouvelier attempted to calm me down and slowly embraced me._

"_Why did Master have to die?"_

_Rouvelier pulled me closer to him and kissed me softly on the lips. I sobbed harder and tears flowed down my cheeks rapidly. Rouvelier murmured words of concern and gently caressed me back. After a while, my breathing slowed and I calmed down but tears still tricked down my face slowly. However, my view was getting distorted and the room was warping around me. My eyelids were heavy and I was having difficulty keeping them open. Before I knew it, I gave into the darkness enveloping me… _

_

* * *

Scenes of people I knew flooded my mind. Master, Mana, Rouvelier, my comrades and old friends who I though I had forgotten, Tyki, Road, Jasdebi, Skin, the Millennium Earl, Lulubell, and some mysterious figures. _

_All of sudden, blood was spilled everywhere and almost everyone was dead. I looked away from the bodies of the dead whose blank faces were staring directly at me. The Millennium Earl and the Noahs stood beside me, laughing manically and grinning evilly. My shadow was laughing too and a wide smirk lurked on his face. The Millennium Earl turned to face me and he smiled widely._

"_Excellent! You did a good job, Allen!"_

_I looked down at my hand and was horrified to see fresh, crimson red blood smeared on them. The Millennium Earl opened the door to his ark and waited outside the door with the Noahs. He beckoned for me to go to him._

"_Let's go home, Allen."_

_

* * *

I awoke screaming to see Rouvelier, worry-stricken before me. _

"_Are you alright? Were you having a nightmare? How are you feeling?"_

_I felt horrible. My head was throbbing and I was feeling unbelievably hot. My vision was blurry and my throat felt like someone had grinded a stone against it a million times. _

_I opened my mouthed to reply to Rouvelier but no words came out. I even tried lifting my hands to tried and gesture to him, but I could not even lift any part of my body. Rouvelier seemed to have realised this and let out a heavy sigh._

"_You fainted after that incident… We called a doctor and it seems you're having a high fever. You might have difficulty doing things with that fever of yours… You were unconscious for a week! I was so worried!"_

_I gazed down, guilty that I had caused Rouvelier to worry so much. _

"_I'm just glad you're alright now… I don't what I would do if you died! I love you Allen, and I want to be with you forever! I don't want to lose you…"_

_Rouvelier leant forward and kissed me gently on my lips. Tears streamed down my face. I was still unsure of my feelings with Rouvelier but I was touched by Rouvelier's gesture and feelings. I only hoped that Rouvelier would not betray me._

* * *

I was worried. I hadn't seen Allen for a few weeks and I was starting to get worried. In fact, no one else had either.

When I asked Brother, he seemed uneasy so I decided not to press him further. I didn't want to trouble Brother when he's having so much on his mind. I decided to ask Lavi but he too said he didn't know anything. He suggested that Allen might be busy with his work now that he was a general. I guess that was possible… Lavi also seemed out of place, but I didn't bother to ask why. I decided to ask Kanda as a last resort. Knowing Kanda, he probably didn't care about Allen and would probably brush the matter aside. But I decided to try my luck.

When I entered the cafeteria, I saw Kanda at his table, alone as usual, eating his usual choice of food, soba. I approached his table and sat down silently. I played with my fingers as I thought about how to ask him.

"What do you want? Don't disturb if it's something stupid or trivial."

I didn't expect Kanda to say talk first and I hesitated before I answered.

"Kanda, um… did you see Allen these few weeks? Do you know where he is? Do you know what is he doing? Do you know if he is he okay?"

Kanda glared at me, probably because I had answered his question with not just another question but a ton of questions.

"No, No, No and NO. Why the hell are you asking so many questions?"

"I…err…I'm worried about Allen since I haven't seen him for so long… Everyone else hasn't seen him…" I stuttered.

"Che. It's none of my business and I don't really care. Why do you care so much about him anyway?" Kanda answered, as blunt as ever.

Why did I care so much about Allen, anyway? I had been brooding over this for days, weeks even! I didn't use to care this much, did I? We're only friends, right? Or…Have I fallen for Allen?

* * *

As I meditated in my room, images of Moyashi swarmed around in my head. I didn't want to admit it but I was worried about Moyashi. I don't want to admit this, but yes, I love that naïve dimwit. His smile and sweet personality made everyday more pleasant for me. Getting him annoyed and heated up amused me and I loved teasing him…

Damn it! This is so messed up… But why was Moyashi missing for the past few weeks? Did that sadistic bastard Rouvelier do anything to him? Hell, he could be screwing around with Moyashi for all I know! Fuck that inspector! I knew something was wrong! I was determined to find Moyashi and I'll stop at nothing to claim him as mine!

* * *

Argh! Why hadn't I confessed to Allen before?! Now it's too late! Under his circumstances, I would probably never get to see him again.

I had always loved Allen all this time. However, I didn't have the guts to confess to Allen… It was too late now…

I hated my job as the successor to Bookman! I wanted to go against Grandpa and quit being the successor to Bookman. I wanted to be free and be myself! I didn't want to be fake and lock up my feelings anymore; I wanted to love Allen openly and I didn't want to be held back by my responsibilities as a bookman successor!

My family line bounded me and kept me from having the freedom I wanted! I don't want his stupid job of being a bookman! It stole all my dreams… And being denied the right to love Allen, it's too much for me to handle! I felt myself going crazy every time I thought about Allen, The person I love but couldn't get… How I hate my wretched life… Now that Allen was gone forever, I no longer saw a reason to live…

* * *

Rouvelier had gone out of the room to put away the dishes and get a drink for me. I sunk into my pillows and closed my eyes to take a rest. All of a sudden the door of the room was flung open and someone stepped into the room. As my eyes focused, I realised it was Kanda. Wait, Kanda?! What was he doing here?

"Moyashi!"

Kanda ran forward and approached me. He pressed me to the bed and kissed me roughly on my lips. I tried to push him away but in my current state, I could nothing but struggle helplessly. I squirmed around and tried to kick him but he took no notice.

"Allen, I'm -"

I gasped as I saw Rouvelier standing at the door. He was speechless and furious. I had never seen him so angry before! I knew something bad was going to happen…

It was a mistake of me to gasp and Kanda slid his tongue into my mouth. I horror-struck and Rouvelier had gone from red to purple. Kanda hands roamed around and he slid his hand up my shirt. But before I knew it Rouvelier had punched Kanda. Kanda growled and glared at Rouvelier.

"Bastard!"

Right there and then a fight ensued between the two of them. I watched in horror as they kicked and punched each others. Tears streamed down my face. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me! I ran forward to stop them.

"STOP! Please! Don't fight anymore…"

Kanda and Rouvelier stopped fighting immediately. Rouvelier was still angry and Kanda was as pissed as ever. However when his eyes met mine, I turned away. Kanda, furious, stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I was still shaking from the ordeal but Rouvelier didn't seem to have cooled off. In fact, he was still furious and he looked at me so strangely I felt scared…and dirty. Lust and fury clouded his eyes and he threw me onto the bed roughly. He pinned my wrists to the bed and held down my legs with his.

"ALLEN, you're MINE!"

* * *

Oohhh… I fear for Allen… Not. Really, I'm laughing my ass off because I just want to see Allen suffer! Yay for angst! Haha!

I'm 99% certain that the next chapter will be "M". 1% uncertain because they might be nosy people looking around while I write the "M" scene. There's absolutely no privacy at my house, I tell you.

This chapter was mostly about everyone's feelings. Slightly longer than usual and I've added the POV of Lenalee, Kanda and Lavi. I might add more in time to come. But sorry to disappoint you, but Rouvelier's, Kanda's, Lenalee's and Lavi's love is all one sided.

Damn… this chapter was such a toughie… Redid it already but I'm still not happy with it… I just hope this is decent for my first story? Hopefully the next chapter will be better written…

I'm in a dilemma right now! I planning to write AllenxTyki but at the rate my story is going, the pairing may very well be AllenxCross… Please do the poll at my profile and let me know which pairing you prefer. (And don't worry; Allen will ALWAYS be the uke. -smirks evilly-)

Do drop a review if you liked the chapter or want to comment on the story. Constructive criticism is also appreciated. The next update will come in a few weeks time, I think…

Hana: Whoopee! Icy redid the chappie! Wonder why hmm? Smut next! OMG, NOO! MY EYEZES! Oh the woes of being a beta-er… Yeah man! Can't wait till Lenalee's confession gets rejected by Allen, I'd rejoice at her emotional suffering! Hell yeah… Yullen-ness, so smexeh… (,.)


	4. Author's Note

No, there's no chapter.  
And there won't be more either.  
I'm sorry, but I just **HATE **my story.  
It **sucks** and is just **craptaculous**.

I know how you must be feeling because I _absolutely_ hate it when I read stories that aren't continued. But I'm really sorry. I just feeling so crappy and tired everyday. Changing schools hasn't been easy for some one like _me_... I'm still not used to, let's see..._everything_! School is _hell_, I'm telling you. Infact, it's very existence is killing me that it should cease to exist! I always have no energy to do anything when school is over. Apparently I don't eat much so I don't have much energy to last me for a long day. The meals at school are plain _ridiculous_ and I'm hating the stupid conservative school rules. Gosh, my school is retarded. And I'm focusing on my music, I want to major in that area... so not much time to play anymore... Is this how I'm doomed to spend my youth?! Sometimes, I don't even want to bother living...

So...there won't be any story anymore. The end. Well that's not exactly the end.

I'll rewrite the entire story when I have the time and have assimilated to my new surroundings first. I might. Maybe. I think so. I actually have _a lot_ of different story ideas all up in my brain, swarming around and distracting me all the time. I only have trouble piecing them together! _Man_, I suck. I feel so depressed lately( don't mean to sound so...you know) and I feel like everything I do sucks. I have low self-esteem, that's what everyone tells me too.

BLAH! What the heck. See ya.


End file.
